The Influencer isn’t here to see Mallorca. Oh no, Mallorca is here to see “them”. In their mind, they’re not on vacation — they’re on a mission. A mission to flood your social media feeds with perfectly curated snapshots of a life you’ll never have, mainly because you’re “so cringe” and the fact that it doesn’t exist outside the confines of Instagram filters and creative cropping. While you’re struggling to relax, they’re crafting a brand, one pouty selfie at a time.
Appearance:
Spotting an Influencer on Holiday is easier than finding an overpriced cocktail in Palma. They’ll be the one in the most impractical outfit possible for the actual weather or terrain. Think floaty beach cover-ups that billow dramatically in the breeze, hats big enough to serve as emergency shade for a family of four, and swimsuits that seem more focused on “style” than “coverage.” If there’s a cobblestone, they’re in stilettos; if there’s sand, they’re in something suede and absurdly expensive.
And then, there’s the phone. That handheld life-support machine, surgically grafted to their palm. You’ll never see them without it, mostly because it’s the only reason they’ve bothered to show up in the first place. They can deploy a selfie stick faster than you can mutter “#Grateful” or #TravelGoals. And rest assured, they’re using every possible moment to make their life look like it’s happening on a different plane of existence from yours.
Habits:
The Influencer’s day begins at dawn. Because that’s when the golden-glow light is most “flattering” and there are fewer sweaty tourists cluttering up their perfectly framed shots. They’ll set up some absurd yoga pose on a deserted beach, possibly involving a complicated balancing act on one foot, all while pretending to meditate. Except, they’re not meditating. They’re angling for the perfect silhouette shot. Inner peace? Not unless it comes with a filter.
Afterwards, it’s off to brunch. Not just any brunch — an artisanal brunch that looks better than it tastes. Eggs Benedict that they’ll never eat (too many calories) and some rainbow-colored drink designed to look pretty rather than be consumed. It’s all part of the ritual. They’ll spend more time photographing the avocado toast than they will actually eating it, then complain about how “hard it is to find authenticity these days.”
Once the sun’s higher in the sky (and the light’s a little too harsh for their liking), they’ll retreat to somewhere Instagrammable: a boutique rooftop bar or an infinity pool where they’ll pretend to relax, while frantically editing their 300 takes from the morning shoot. And this? This is their holiday. Congratulations, you’re watching someone at work— work which involves standing in impossible poses while pretending they’re having the time of their life.
Behavioral traits:
The Influencer believes they’re doing a public service by documenting every banal detail of their holiday. They think of themselves not just as tourists, but as lifestyle gurus for the masses. Never mind that most of the masses are too busy working real jobs to care. You’ll overhear them murmuring phrases like, “What’s the engagement rate on this post?” or “Do you think I can get a brand deal with this hotel?” with the gravity most people reserve for discussing global crises.
They have a penchant for cornering locals and asking for “the most Instagrammable places” — as if Mallorcans have been secretly building quaint little villages just for the sake of getting featured in a hashtag. And when they’re not taking selfies, they’re reviewing every minor detail of their photos, mercilessly culling anything that doesn’t look “aspirational enough.”
Natural environment:
An Influencer’s natural habitat is anywhere with good lighting and a decent Wi-Fi connection. Infinity pools are a favorite — nothing says “living the dream” like floating in an inflatable flamingo while casually pretending you’re too important for real-life problems like rent. They also congregate around trendy cafés where the waitstaff have long since accepted that no meal is eaten before it’s been thoroughly Instagrammed.
You’ll never see them in the places locals actually go to — unless there’s a good angle for a “candid” shot of them “exploring hidden gems.” And by hidden gems, we mean places that are on the top of every tourist guide, but they’ll pretend they’ve just “discovered.”
Social media presence:
The Influencer’s social media is a curated masterpiece of sunsets, perfectly posed beach shots, and a suspicious number of pictures of them gazing wistfully into the distance. Every photo screams something like, “Wanderlusting hard 💫” or “Lost in paradise 🌴,” followed by a flurry of hashtags like #Blessed, #TravelGoals, and the always-irritating #LiveYourBestLife. Captions are either faux-inspirational garbage (“Life’s a journey, not a destination ✨”) or vague humble-brags about “finding oneself” on a beach that’s actually packed with families just out of frame.
Conclusion:
The Influencer on Holiday is a marvel of modern culture: constantly working while pretending to relax, ignoring the beauty around them in favor of curating an existence that’s more about appearances than experience. They’ll leave Mallorca with hundreds of perfect photos, thousands of new followers, and precisely zero understanding of the island. But hey, at least they got the shot.
